I, ex-member of the flock, _____________________, given the inability of the Pope of the Catholic Church to understand what freedom of conscience and expression is, given that the Church continues to insist that its flock consists of all people baptized as infants, given that the Church uses the ingenuosity and goodwill of some of its members in order to maintain its immense hierarchical structure and power with the aid of the worst gangsters (bosses, financiers, nobles, mafiosi, freemasons, dictators, TV presenters, etc.) and that to be considered one of the flock is highly damaging to my image, and given that the Church insists on gathering all to its unwholesome and unholy bosom, declaring its religion to be "superior" to others and all non-believers to be sheep for "fleecing" (or at the very least for converting),

DECLARE: (tick any number of boxes, as appropriate)

	that I have said in public that the Pope criticizes capitalism during the run-up to an election, but sings its praises in "Centesismus Annus", placing the Church as a mediator between Capital and the "poor of the earth", and that therefore said Pope is a hypocrite
	that I have practised every imaginable form of contraception (physiological, paranormal, hormonal, chemical, mechanical and lorenabobbital) and I consider having children as an optional in the wonderful world of the senses
	that I have not practised any form of contraception because I am lesbian or gay, luckily, so I don't have to worry about it
	that I have had a test-tube baby and/or I have had a child using frozen sperm
	that I have had a free abortion and that I have, on occasion, swallowed the Pill instead of the Host
	that I have engaged in sado-masochistic practices and I have practised heterosexual oral sex (and everything else, come to think of it... which I do)
	that I have used condoms on my fingers so as not to leave any fingerprints when I was robbing the poor box in my local church
	that I have rented a lovely little love-nest without my husband/wife (or my Confessor) knowing about it
	that I have blasphemed more times than I could ever remember
	that I have used the pages of "Osservatore Romano" to cover the windows of the car while having crazed sex with a well-hung immigrant
	that I have set up home with a person of the same sex
	that with this person I have adopted one of those babies who have escaped the clutches of the Pope
	that I pretended to be a priest/nun back in 1982 when it was fashionable to wear black and that I heard the confessions of several elderly people who were a bit deaf
	that I once fooled hundreds when I was on holiday in Portugal (not far from Fatima) by posing on a rock pretending to be an apparition of the Madonna
	that I am divorced
	that I am an ex-priest/nun and all the better for it thank you very much
	that I spit in the holy water on the day when Wojtyla said that women were "naturally inclined to be man's companion"
	that I have distributed AIDS information leaflets to the girls of the local Catholic school
	that I have distributed information leaflets on free abortions and the day after pill to the girls of the local Catholic school
	that I organized a public debate entitled "Why the Pope has no beard and all the leaders of the other religions do"
	that I once dressed up as an Orthodox priest and married a (gay) Russian couple in the Catholic Cathedral on a Saturday afternoon when no-one was looking
	that I have publicly suggested invading St Peter's in order to give the Vatican Treasure to the homeless and the unemployed
	that I do volunteer work in hospitals, donate aid to war victims and help my neighbour without asking if the beneficiaries are Catholic or telling them they should be, and without expecting a front-row pew in Heaven
	that I have distributed "Wojtyla? No thanks" bumper stickers
	that I am a communist (male or female)
	that I am an anarchist (male or female)
	that I am an atheist (male or female)
	that I am a woman (male or female)
	that I have been un-baptized and therefore repudiate all initiation rites of all religions and rugby clubs
	that I do Tarot and palm readings and practice black, blue, yellow, pink or red magic simply for fun and to spite the Church
	that I once told the priest who came to bless the house at Easter "No thanks, we've already got one" and then shut the door rudely in his fat face
	that I have always secretly wanted to smash the Popemobile with a baseball bat
	that I once broke into a religious meeting on education waving a banner which read "religion, heroin, children ruin them"

I THEREFORE declare myself to be excommunicated (and probably liable to prosecution) for all time and I do not ask for forgiveness, dialogue or understanding from the hierarchy of the Church which is, in my opinion, boring, arrogant, ambiguously slimy and repressed.

Yours unfaithfully:.................................................